PAST | #METOO
I don’t know how im really feeling right now, mixed emotions (upset, OK, angry) why because it’s crazy what has just happened today... 10yrs ago back in 2009, my ‘Me Too’ Sexual Harassment/Unfair Dismissal experience.
I found out 2days ago that I had an induction with the same company (in partnership with another) to which this traumatic event took place.
I was reluctant to go having refused to ever work for them again, why because they were not held accountable for the employee (senior project manager) who was responsible, who was unprofessional and who left me out of work, in debt, in shock and left feeling like rubbish as though my experience wasn’t worthy.
So of course I blame the company and today while in my induction, the company name was just in my face and then all of a sudden my head started to hurt 😞 and I just kept thinking back to how low I was feeling back then 10yrs ago.
To the point where I felt ashamed (why) I don’t know 🤷♀️ but I refused to work back in that industry (construction) just over a year I took time out and nearly didn’t go back... until one day I said to myself;
“what are u doing, you done nothing wrong, you love working within the construction industry and can’t let this man or company stop me from returning”
But today here I was different project, location, people and yet just seeing the name in my face (bad enough seeing it) if walking past a site...
How I managed to sit through the induction I don’t know!! It’s work, covering the odd shift down the road from where I live... so I remain or do I let it (past) hold me back and walk out!!!
I stayed, then when I was having my access card done... the system wouldn’t let the woman crop my photo. 10times she has to ask me to re-take it and even she couldn’t understand ‘why’ it wasn’t working 😳
Was it god telling me I shouldn’t be there, or the devil trying to mess with my head making me think all sorts... like my name is Blocked on their system, so I can’t work on any of their projects 🤦♀️ again I nearly told the woman to leave it and was going to walk out.
Half hour later, still there (technical issue) but was it 🤔 I received my card and left. Then was asked if I can cover today this wk, I said yes... and since being at home I’ve been feeling empty and unsure.
I know I’m still so mad but I’m going to see how I get on tomorrow... but is it only me, how crazy, is it that 10yrs later I am back working at a project that the company of my #metoo ordeal is on!